Occasionally I hear people complain that their loan officer is nowhere to be found.

“Really?” is my usual response when I hear them tell me how their loan officer is MIA and how they need to get in touch with them immediately.

I think that normal people who can’t find their loan officer must just be looking in all the wrong places.

If you are looking for your loan officer, here are 9 places that you don’t have to look – because the chances of finding them at any one of these are extremely low.

#1. Their Office

Sure, all the loan officers have an office, but you might be surprised at how little time they spend there.

If the building janitorial service didn’t come through once a week (at least), chances of finding dust on their desk would be high.

#2. Someone Else’s Closing

Occasionally, I hear someone wanting to give a loan officer the benefit of  the doubt and say something like “oh, they are probably in a closing and can’t answer the phone …”

Uh, no.

You might find your escrow officer in a closing, but a loan officer?

Riiiight.

#3. Your Realtor’s Office

Skip it.

Although Realtor’s offices usually have doughnuts in the front that a title rep dropped off, few Realtor’s are actually in the office like you may expect.

And the chance that your loan officer is actually in your Realtor’s office?

Minuscule.

The smart money says that your Realtor is probably looking for them too.

#4. Taking Someone Else’s Loan Application

Like at someone’s house or place of business talking to them about qualifying for a mortgage?

Uh, nope.

Most loan officers have assistants who do this stuff nowdays.  Too much paperwork stuff to be bothered with.

#5. At Home

If you call their house, chances are that their wife or girlfriend is looking for them too and you are immediately going to be assigned to let them know when you find them to have them “call home immediately”.

Do you want to be turned into a messenger service for wives and girlfriends?

I didn’t think so.

#6. Driving

The reason you won’t find your loan officer driving is that it is hard to hear the phone ring when the top is down on the convertible and AC/DC is blaring so loud normal people’s eardrums become ectoplasm.

There is a small chance that you may catch your loan officer driving, but you will need to drive all of the “wrong roads” in the off chance you will pull up next to him at a red light and honk loud enough for him to hear.

Not worth the investment when gas is $4 / gallon.

#7. At Lunch With a Title Rep

Ok, this one is possible – and the chances go proportionately higher with the scale of attractiveness of the title rep.

The problem here is that finding a loan officer with a hot title rep is going to be difficult because they are deft at making sure #5 doesn’t know that #7 is happening.

So if you want to find them here, it will help if you turn your brain upside-down and think like a skulker.

#8. At The Apple Store

Most of the computer programs that loan officers use require Windows and won’t run on Macs.

See?

There is a reason Microsoft is still in business.

#9. At a Real Estate Industry Happy Hour

The truth on this one is that this is actually not a horrible place to look, because these events center around alcohol and loan officers gravitate to a good party like geese to water.

The problem with looking at a real estate industry happy hour is just that – somewhere that is  packed with real estate people.

Show up at one of these and expect to get overwhelmed with small talk, business cards and offers for a free CMA (what is that anyway?)   Also be prepared to hear something similar to “if you know of someone who wants to buy a house, you can get a free Home Depot gift card for a referral …” about a hundred times.

Gag.

Not worth the effort.

Ok, so … now you know where not to look.

If you can’t find your loan officer in any of these seemingly logical places to look, where exactly can you find them?

I’m not telling.

It’s our little loan officer fight club secret.

And the first rule of fight club is that you don’t talk about fight club.

Thinking about buying a house or refinancing your current one and need a good referral for a loan officer that is easy to find? The easiest way is to get a referral from your Realtor.  They usually have some of the inside scoop on what goes on at loan officer fight club gatherings.

Photo from Flicker by jpellgen

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