One Phone Call a Parent Never Wants to Get

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(Let me open with my son is fine. I don’t want anyone to go through the freak-out that I did…)

My 16 year old son approached us early in the week, wanting to go up to Payson, Arizona for a camping trip with two of his friends, and the parents of one of his buddies.

Francy was opposed, worried about him driving on twisty mountain roads, something he had never experienced in his 10 whole months of driving experience.

I on the other had, caved to his incessant whining. He’s 16, going on 34, and of course knows more now than his old man has ever known. He is, in his mind, an invincible teenager, and one whose driving skills rival those of Dale Earnhardt (rest his soul).

So I convinced Francy to acquiesce, and young James — after getting both the mother and father versions of “The Lecture” — headed off to Payson. He’s a responsible kid, and a good driver. Of course I worry every time he heads out on his own, but I’m trying to realize that at some point you have to let them grow up, and you have to let them go…

He sent us a text message from Payson that all was well, and they were headed up into the woods to the camping area, at which point he would be out of cell phone range.

A couple of hours later, the phone rings. Caller ID was an area code I didn’t recognize. So I answer, and am treated to this conversation:

“Is this James Thompson’s father?”

“Yes, why, what’s wrong?”

“This is the Payson Regional Medical Center Emergency Room. I’m calling to get permission to treat your son.”

I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. About all I could stammer out was, “Treat him for what?”

“He’s been involved in a motor vehicle accident.”

OK, so now it feels like the truck that just hit me threw it in reverse and backed over me. The adrenaline rush I experienced about made my heart and head explode.

I think all I got out was, “What?!??!”

And this dips**t at the Emergency Room just repeats himself, “Your son has been in an accident. His car is totaled, and I need your permission to treat him.”

I don’t have the vocabulary to express what was going through my head. I had instant flashbacks of James from birth through yesterday, and I envisioned him lying in some ER, hooked up to God knows what, paralyzed, in a coma, and about any other medical disaster that ripped through my spinning head. I wanted to throw up. All I knew was he was alive, or this guy wouldn’t be asking for permission to treat him.

I finally managed to squeak out, “Do whatever you have to do. Is he OK?”

“Oh yeah, he’s fine. Just a little banged up.”

OK, the heart rate decelerates just a bit. This is good, as I was a bit concerned I might need to visit the Emergency Room myself.

Why the hell they couldn’t have started the conversation with “He’s fine” is beyond me.

After hearing that James had cuts, scrapes and bruises and was complaining of knee pain, my heart rate and blood pressure began approaching normal. The roller coaster ride took another dive when they mentioned cuts on his head, but this time they quickly followed up with “there are no other signs of head trauma”.

Thanks to various and sundry laws, I could get no information about either of James’ passengers. That had to wait until I could finally talk to James about an hour later. They are both also banged up but OK.

We haven’t seen the car yet, but it does not sound good. James hit some mud, spun off the road at about 30MPH (likely over-corrected) and hit an apparently very sturdy and large pine tree. Fortunately all the kids were wearing seat belts. We suspect the car is a complete loss, but the important thing is everyone is OK.

It could have been much worse. A few more miles per hour, a foot here or there and who knows what the results could have been.

This parenting thing is rough. You’d think after almost 17 years it would get easier.

I think it gets harder.

 

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About the Author
Jay Thompson

I'm a real estate broker in Phoenix, Arizona and the publisher of the Phoenix Real Estate Guy blog. I tend to drive too fast and scream at the University of Texas and Denver Broncos football teams. My two kids are smarter than most adults I know and my wife is simply amazing.

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I’m not sure which is worse … handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date.

Then when you get REALLY old, you have to start worrying all over again. One of my granddaughters turns 16 this fall, and is chomping at the bit to start driving.

**Miami Houses, Atlanta Houses´s last blog post..monthly mortgage calculator</abbr></abbr>

We got a call from a Fireman who started the conversation in just the same way, “Your son has been in a accident.” Fortunately, he realized what he had said and jumped right in with, “He’s OK, just a little shaken up.” My stomach was in knots all day anyway.

thanks for your post.

I still recall when n I was 14, learning to drive - and I almost rolled my dad’s Jeep driving back from school my first day! I guess it is important to remember that for teens, driving is not as “second nature” as it later becomes.

Jay & Francy,

I sure am glad that your son is Ok. I got to make one of those phone calls to my mom when I was 16... I led off with "I'm ok, but..." She still freaked out.

Shortly after that I got some serious driver training. My dad figured that I would try to go fast, so I might as well be skilled. What he hadn't banked on is that the training actually made me safer on the street. After tasting race conditions, it just wasn't fun to have to hold back.

Not to say I still didn't do a few stupid things... but I did have a different mind about it.

My 20 year old totalled the Jetta last week. He didn't need any medical treatment. He didn't tell us anything until the next day when he gathered his courage.

Jay -

Just now getting to catch up on some reading.. My heartrate was accelerating as I read your story. Glad to hear everything's ok - could have been MUCH worse!

My boys are 8 and 4, and I'm going to enjoy the heck out of the next 8 years while I can! ;-)

Wow, that was a very reassuring outcome to a very scary situation. I am glad your son is okay! I remember when I was 16, learning to drive - and I almost rolled my dad's Jeep driving back from school my first day! I guess it is important to remember that for teens, driving is not as "second nature" as it later becomes.

So glad to hear that young James is okay.

That drive up to Payson is very tricky. We were up there two weekends ago and I tell ya some of the folks who drive that way seem to not care about ANYTHING.

All - thanks so much for your kind words and support. It was an awful call to receive, and I do think the caller needs to go through a little sensitivity training.... none-the-less, the bottom line is all involved are OK.

Elaine said, "I’m not sure which is worse … handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date".

Well thanks for that Elaine! I've got a 14 year old daughter and have been dreading that day for oh, 14 years.... ;)

I definitely feel your pain. When my son, David, was 16 he rolled his car right in the middle of town when we hit a wet patch where the city was watering the median.

We got a call from a Fireman who started the conversation in just the same way, "Your son has been in a accident." Fortunately, he realized what he had said and jumped right in with, "He's OK, just a little shaken up." My stomach was in knots all day anyway.

When I was growing up, we didn't wear seat belts. I've never been in a car with my son without wearing one. Fortunately, from his first ride in a car, he saw his mother and father put their seat belts on. Now, we always wear the belt.

I'm sorry for your pain, but very happy that your son is OK.

Lynn

Jay, that's a terrible call to receive! I agree "Mr. Thompson your son is going to be fine" would have been a much more compassionate way for the ER caller to start out the call.

My oldest daughter will be getting her permit within the month.....My stomach is in knots!

Glad to hear your son is fine, this will be one of those stories you can tell at his wedding reception.

It never gets easier no matter how old they are. A parent still worries. Sounds like that DR totally needs a lesson in bedside manner. I understand that "blood runs cold" feeling. I was beginning to worry about YOU during your story.

I'm not sure which is worse ... handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date.

Then when you get REALLY old, you have to start worrying all over again. One of my granddaughters turns 16 this fall, and is chomping at the bit to start driving.

I'm weeks away from the 16 year old with a driver's license myself. So I really don't like this. :) Glad your boy is A-OK.

Yikes! I remember my folks getting those calls from me...that must not have been as bad since I was able to call myself...Now as the father of 2 kids under three, I see what is in store for me in the future.

Thanks for sharing; glad James is not more seriously hurt.

Jay, just returned from a weekend camping trip to the Grand Canyon and saw this. Glad young James is fine.

By now, I suspect you've gone upp to Payson yourself to check on things...

Thank goodness he and his friends are ok!

Easier? I don't know about that.

More precious? Definitely! Every day is a blessing!

Jay and Francy, I'm just glad James is ok. Just remember, we all did that sort of thing at his age and we turned out just fine (I think?)

Jay & Francy

Having raised 3 kids who are all about your age, I can speak with authority and experience.

It NEVER gets better or easier.

No matter how long they have been out from under your roof, when you hear of an accident, you will immediately inventory the whereabouts of your kids and maybe your grand kids.

In an instant your mind sifts through the possible reasons why some of your peeps could even be in that area.

Until you have eliminated all possibilities, and sometimes that requires a phone call, you wont rest easy. Sorry,.... Thats just the way it is.

These calls can't be described. My son, Josh, wrestled the car keys from a drunk friend years ago. The gist is, on the way home while on the freeway cresting a hill, waiting for him on the other side was a 2 minute old accident. It was a car laying on it's side in the middle of the freeway!

Josh had no time to do anything but stand on the brakes, which slowed him down to 55. Friend's dad's car totaled. Nobody injured. Dad of drunk girl still had daughter.

That call aged me. I'm so pissed at the ER doc who called you I can't see straight. Were you the first parent he'd ever called? Geez.

Ecstatic all is well.

Jay - I enjoy your blog! I think all of us who have or have had teenageres can relate. I have a long story I can tell you sometime about a call I had at Cabo San Lucas about my son being in a ATV accident while we were on vacation.

http://www.bendoregonrealestateexpert.com

Thank God he is ok. Yes parenting gets harder. I will be very happy when my two girls have children of their own so they can understand even to an "n'th" degree what I have gone thru all these years. They think I am over protective and a worry wort. I resemble THAT remark! How did your wife do? Hopefully she has forgiven you. lol

Again Thank God.

Jay, I was shaking reading this. It was just two years ago that I wrote about my own "call" on my blog, the one that came after my then 16-year-old was t-boned at an intersection by a driver who ran a red light. Fortunately, my bruised and banged child was able to walk away, but I still feel sick thinking about watching two totaled cars and four deployed air bags being loaded on flat bed tow trucks. Now, when she leaves the house, I can't quite breathe until she returns.

Thank goodness everyone is OK. All of my best to you and your family.

Jay, so glad to hear that everyone is okay. Like Jim Duncan, I was THAT kid - sometimes unintentionally, but other times "just to see what this hot rod Hyundai Excel" could do. "I had a thing with the car" was one of my favorite phrases in high school, it seemed.

Hope you squeezed your son just a little bit harder when you saw him.

OMG - So happy to hear your son is ok Jay! As a father of 3 young ones, I too would freak if someone was as cold as he was about what happened to your son. You would think they would have some sensitivity training or something. Sorry you had that moment of unnecessary trauma....

Accidents do happen, it's what we learn from them that matters. Thanks for reminding me of what proper emergency phone call etiquette should and shouldn't be.

Rudy

Social Media Guru at Trulia

Jay - I'm glad that your son is going to be okay. I'm sorry for the stress you are dealing with right now. My kids (1 & 3 years old) and I were in a car accident in the Fall and it was awful. Take care and be thankful that he is going to be okay. I can't imagine how worried you are.Take care, Kim Stoegbauer

Jay,

It's the most hopeless feeling in the world when you get that call. My wife got it about me last fall...."you need to get here as soon as possible" she caught the first flight to Reno and I fortunately, I made it.

Hopefully your son and his friends will take it as a huge learning experience and be more cautious about driving in the future (not writing that he wasn't cautious, but these things make you rethink life and how you live it).

Give your son a hug from all of us and be thankful for every day you have with him and all of your loved ones.

Jay, thank G-d the kids are OK. My 16 year son's boarding school offers no driving lessons. So far, I view it as a benefit. Can't imagine getting a call like you did.

Jay, ours are grown and have kids of their own, but 2 are still in the military. "The Call" could still come at any time for us, so we know exactly what you're going through. Give our best to Francey and James, we're glad he's alright.

Jay -- thanks for starting the post out "let me start out by saying my son is fine..." -- And I thought it was tough having a nine year old! Hopefully they will raise the legal driving limit to 21 in the next couple of years.

II'm glad to hear your son is fine. My children driving is still a source of stress for me. I have had two such calls like this in my childrens life and there are no word to describe the feeling. Hugs to all!

Jay - glad it's not serious. We all (parents) have stories...and guess what...it doesn't get any easier to receive that call no matter how old they are. We just count our blessings!

Jay -

It's great to hear that your son is ok. I've been that kid causing the phone call to be made, and I'm dreading the day when my kids are on the road. It's never easy, and none of this is in the parenting book.

Jay,

Glad all is OK my son who is now 30 (OMG) was in an accident once and I know what you mean you feel like ice is suddenly running through your veins and you want to move and rush to their side.

Blessing to you.

Pat - 14 years 10 months! Yikes, that is way too young.... Here a kid has to be 15 years and 6 months to get a permit. Which of course only gives you 6 months of training and experience before they can get a license. Arizona did just pass a law called the Teenage Driver Safety Act. It provides:

Change of instruction permit time frames so that a permit may be issued to an individual who is 15 years and six months old, instead of the current 15 years and seven months old.

Increases the hours of supervised training necessary to obtain a driver license from 25 hours to 30 hours, of which 10 hours must be during nighttime driving conditions.

Requires an instruction permittee to be accompanied by a licensed individual who is at least 21.

Prohibits nighttime driving between midnight and 5 a.m. for the first six months with exemptions for employment, religious, school activities or family emergencies.

Limits the number of non-family, teenage passengers in the vehicle to no more than one passenger for the first six months that a class G licensee holds the class G license.

Establishes graduated monetary penalties and extensions of the nighttime restrictions and passenger limitations for non-compliance with the restrictions and limitations.

Iu00e2u0080u0099m not sure which is worse u00e2u0080u00a6 handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date.

Then when you get REALLY old, you have to start worrying all over again. One of my granddaughters turns 16 this fall, and is chomping at the bit to start driving.

**Miami Houses, Atlanta Housesu00c2u00b4s last blog post..monthly mortgage calculator</abbr></abbr>

We got a call from a Fireman who started the conversation in just the same way, u00e2u0080u009cYour son has been in a accident.u00e2u0080u009d Fortunately, he realized what he had said and jumped right in with, u00e2u0080u009cHeu00e2u0080u0099s OK, just a little shaken up.u00e2u0080u009d My stomach was in knots all day anyway.

thanks for your post.

I still recall when n I was 14, learning to drive - and I almost rolled my dadu00e2u0080u0099s Jeep driving back from school my first day! I guess it is important to remember that for teens, driving is not as u00e2u0080u009csecond natureu00e2u0080u009d as it later becomes.

Jay & Francy,

I sure am glad that your son is Ok. I got to make one of those phone calls to my mom when I was 16... I led off with "I'm ok, but..." She still freaked out.

Shortly after that I got some serious driver training. My dad figured that I would try to go fast, so I might as well be skilled. What he hadn't banked on is that the training actually made me safer on the street. After tasting race conditions, it just wasn't fun to have to hold back.

Not to say I still didn't do a few stupid things... but I did have a different mind about it.

My 20 year old totalled the Jetta last week. He didn't need any medical treatment. He didn't tell us anything until the next day when he gathered his courage.

Jay -

Just now getting to catch up on some reading.. My heartrate was accelerating as I read your story. Glad to hear everything's ok - could have been MUCH worse!

My boys are 8 and 4, and I'm going to enjoy the heck out of the next 8 years while I can! ;-)

Wow, that was a very reassuring outcome to a very scary situation. I am glad your son is okay! I remember when I was 16, learning to drive - and I almost rolled my dad's Jeep driving back from school my first day! I guess it is important to remember that for teens, driving is not as "second nature" as it later becomes.

I am glad to hear everything is OK. My kids are 2 and a half and 13 months old. As a new parent I have had this worry since I became a parent. Everyone tells me you will worry much more when they become teenagers and are out driving. I am dreading the day mine get there keys as well.

So glad to hear that young James is okay.

That drive up to Payson is very tricky. We were up there two weekends ago and I tell ya some of the folks who drive that way seem to not care about ANYTHING.

All - thanks so much for your kind words and support. It was an awful call to receive, and I do think the caller needs to go through a little sensitivity training.... none-the-less, the bottom line is all involved are OK.

Elaine said, "Iu00e2u0080u0099m not sure which is worse u00e2u0080u00a6 handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date".

Well thanks for that Elaine! I've got a 14 year old daughter and have been dreading that day for oh, 14 years.... ;)

I definitely feel your pain. When my son, David, was 16 he rolled his car right in the middle of town when we hit a wet patch where the city was watering the median.

We got a call from a Fireman who started the conversation in just the same way, "Your son has been in a accident." Fortunately, he realized what he had said and jumped right in with, "He's OK, just a little shaken up." My stomach was in knots all day anyway.

When I was growing up, we didn't wear seat belts. I've never been in a car with my son without wearing one. Fortunately, from his first ride in a car, he saw his mother and father put their seat belts on. Now, we always wear the belt.

I'm sorry for your pain, but very happy that your son is OK.

Lynn

Jay, that's a terrible call to receive! I agree "Mr. Thompson your son is going to be fine" would have been a much more compassionate way for the ER caller to start out the call.

My oldest daughter will be getting her permit within the month.....My stomach is in knots!

Glad to hear your son is fine, this will be one of those stories you can tell at his wedding reception.

It never gets easier no matter how old they are. A parent still worries. Sounds like that DR totally needs a lesson in bedside manner. I understand that "blood runs cold" feeling. I was beginning to worry about YOU during your story.

I'm not sure which is worse ... handing them the car keys for the first time or watching your daughter leave for a first-date.

Then when you get REALLY old, you have to start worrying all over again. One of my granddaughters turns 16 this fall, and is chomping at the bit to start driving.

I'm weeks away from the 16 year old with a driver's license myself. So I really don't like this. :) Glad your boy is A-OK.

Yikes! I remember my folks getting those calls from me...that must not have been as bad since I was able to call myself...Now as the father of 2 kids under three, I see what is in store for me in the future.

Thanks for sharing; glad James is not more seriously hurt.

Jay, just returned from a weekend camping trip to the Grand Canyon and saw this. Glad young James is fine.

By now, I suspect you've gone upp to Payson yourself to check on things...

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