OK, so occasionally I get these odd little glimpses of something akin to writer’s block.
I find it disturbing on many levels.
Once upon a time, I had an advanced writing professor in undergraduate school that said these things are complicated, but there is no shame in having it occur – it happens to everyone. Her solution was to eat a lamb chop with a side of beans and a bowl of pudding or perhaps a nice beignet for desert. Eggplant is to be avoided. However, anything is better covered in Sriracha sauce, so it is to be applied liberally (perhaps not on the pudding though).
Actually, that’s not even remotely close to what Dr. Marks suggested. She said the best cure was to ask someone for two words or phrases – any two words or phrases – and to write something that incorporated those words.
So I asked my “friends” on Twitter to send me some words and phrases.
They are a very creative bunch, and they’re pretty funny. Practically circus clowns even. I told them I’d recycle their musings into something about real estate.
If you haven’t already guessed, the words in bold in this post were the suggested words and phrases. Apparently my pals are obsessed with food products. While part of me wants to wreak vengeance upon them (try using “wreak” properly in a sentence without following it with “havoc”…), in all honesty doing that would be a fallacy. While we may have irreconcilable differences, the simple fact is, these are not flabby sharks, they are human beings, and I like them. Don’t believe that? Check my galvanic skin response and see if I’m lying.
Now before someone gets their panties in a wad, I realize I have yet to really say anything real estate related.
Work with me people.
I could have taken the easy way out and said how a short sale may not be a relevant property or a sound investment. Ditto for a foreclosure. Or that loss mitigation officers at lending institutions are illogical. Not only can they be illogical, half the time I expect to get an email from them loudly proclaiming “All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction!”.
Want to talk about landscaping? We could discuss the merits of the date palm or watering cycles for citrus trees. Or the importance of a grand entry, or a big sky view. How about the benefits of being close to a soccer field for little Johnny and Sally? Perhaps we should chat about the need for quality flypaper in the summertime, or properly chlorinating your pool to keep the Kermit the froggy away.
But where’s the beef in that?
Wouldn’t it be better to discuss how no Home Owners Association will let you park a convertible dirigible on the street? Or perhaps we could get really deep and profound and discuss the cognitive dissonance a real estate agent experiences when the Code of Ethics they pledge to uphold conflicts with their innate desire to beat the crap out of a fellow agent that can’t find their ass with two hands and a GPS.
On that note, it’s time to end this nonsense. I’ve got appointments to make. It is, in effect, time to make the donuts. Carpe Diem!
And thanks for this little indulgence. It actually did help clear that weird blockage. And if you didn’t appreciate it, well, about all I can say is bite me. 
Hat tip to these Twitter peeps:
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
That was truly funny. Great job spinning all of that into one coherent story.
**Chris´s last blog post..Advice for new freelancers, from established freelancers
I seriously laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Well done – I must take some extra credit for the retweet that resulted in even more valuable suggestions like flypaper
Now this particular retweet managed to make it to my facebook page where there were even more suggestions – let me know if you need them for more “inspiration”!
Thanks Jay – great writing as usual!
All your base are belong to us.
Classic
**Dave´s last blog post..Hitting the Number: NAR’s View of Appraisals
Well, I’d say after this post, you’re well on your way to having lost that blockage! You took those phrases and did a hilarious job with them – laughing out loud at what was flung at you to use!
I’m kinda hungry about now….
**Ann Cummings´s last blog post..One Year Ago…..
Well if this real estate and blogging thing doesnt work out for you there is always comedy writing, this is funnier than anything I have seen in a sitcom in a while.
**Dean Ouellette´s last blog post..tempe-edgewater-condo-101-pool.jpg
Next, arrange these into three columns, pick one randomly from each column, (kind of like the “fair housing” ad words) and make a post that way.
**Jim Little´s last blog post..Good News Friday, 6/26/2009
An enjoyable read. Thanks. But, you seem to have made friends with the 2% of twitter folks that have brains. I had to look up some of those words
You are having too much fun Jay! I wish I had more time to spend blogging and tweeting!
**Colleen´s last blog post..Kennewick WA Homes for Sale
That was hilarious and I really enjoyed how you found a way to incorporate “where’s the beef” into a post about real estate! HAHA, nice job, Jay. That was a great laugh!
lol What an enjoyable post! Sometimes, you just have to have a little fun with your posts! Good job!
What a clever way to get your creative juices flowing again. A little inspiration can take you a long way. Kudos to you!
Seems like you still have writers block, ha ha. I read that whole post and did not understand the purpose. Love your blog though….
**Portland Real Estate´s last blog post..Mt. Tabor Park: SE Portland
What a riot! GREAT job meeting the challenge. I laughed ’til I had tears in my eyes. Bet it will be awhile before you ask for more suggestions!
That was awesome. I used to do that for creative story writing. Instead of asking people I would pick up a book or newspaper and points to a random sentence and use that as a jumping off point. It worked some of the time.
“All your Base Belong to Us”. Its funny a bad internet game will live forever as a viral video. The song is already stuck in my head.
**Jill´s last blog post..Number of Houston home sales inconsistent compared to prior May
appreciate the lightness of your thoughts! the market will change-guaranteed!
Writers block happens to everyone and when it strikes, IT STRIKES! It is one of the more frustration things, because you are powerless. You want to write but nothing materializes. You want to write but the more you want the more you cant.
Writers block happens to everyone and when it strikes, IT STRIKES! It is one of the more frustration things, because you are powerless. You want to write but nothing materializes. You want to write but the more you want the more you cant.